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brown eyed girl

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and the bible didn't mention us, not even once. [02 Mar 2010|11:07pm]
[ mood | confused ]

I'm getting to the point where I am ready to take religion on... head on. It is becoming increasingly obvious that the only people who really fall for it are the ones that don't have any sense to begin with. How the hell do you negotiate all of these hypocrisies? Oh, that's right, "lean not on your own understanding."

Doesn't that make the whole argument fucking void? Who's understanding, if not yours, do you lean on... and does that source not lean on it's own?

G-d bless the hypocrites, for they are blind to the fact that they do more harm than good. Poor fucking fools.


And for the record, I get it. Leaning not on one's own understanding is encouraging his blind faith that it is not him, but G-d who is in control. That is not what I have the beef with. The beef comes from that individual convoluting the words of the bible to apply judgement & disapproval of others. It seems that Christians can use the same bit of scripture to their liking. Or, the have one piece of scripture to justify one action & another to negate it. Or just choose when to live by & follow one, and when to completely ignore it. GRR!

We're getting so far from being just good, loving, accepting people. 

That's all.

3 has forgotten ithave forgotten it | tell me about your first kiss

Stupid games are for stupid people. [23 Feb 2010|06:28pm]
[ mood | lethargic ]

So I came here seeking little pearls of wisdom from the past. I haven't found what I am looking for just yet. What I did find was little pearls of insecurity, doubt, faith, truth & trust... This is the recipe for wisdom. I guess I need to do the foot work. (I wish, for once, someone would do that for me!)

The truth of the matter is, I am embarking in all new territory. I have been lucky enough that everything thus far has found it's way & has worked out. I wonder if I am owed a failure somewhere in there? I tell you what... I sense my giving up before that failure comes; I am so exhausted. I am tired of not knowing & insecurities. When do I get to feel like I have it all figured out? That's the one thing I miss from my youth... I used to know everything... how could I have forgotten it all?



2 has forgotten ithave forgotten it | tell me about your first kiss

It's been a while [31 Jan 2010|03:15am]
 The posts are few & far between, but this hits home: 3.bp.blogspot.com/_a7jkcMVp5Vg/S2T945clWqI/AAAAAAAAK68/jsyj3pvrwv8/s1600-h/rightthings.jpg
tell me about your first kiss

Gold teeth & a curse for this town. [05 Nov 2009|07:50pm]
[ mood | good ]

So wow. Here I am. Where am I, you ask? Well, I'm in my apartment in Hell's Kitchen, NYC. It's weird, especially looking at this journal, how the hell did I get here?

Ha - and then the phone rings - it's Joe - hold please.

Okay. Where was I? Right. New York. Real life. I don't have the attention span or desire to get into the details and honestly, at this point they're a bit of a blur.

I was talking to Joe & his friend Ashlyn this past weekend about how I love to look through this thing and see where I was the years prior on certain dates. That action is going to become extinct if I only read & never write. So, with that in mind... what can be said?

Hello future April,

You're probably the only person who reads this. At this point in time you're a producer at WWD&S. You're not 100% thrilled there anymore, but it has it's moments and moreover, it pays the bills. You have bills. Not many, but some. A whopper of a rent, if you ask me. Tonight you're waiting on your first delivery from FreshDirect. We'll see how this goes... I have a feeling you're going to get a hodgepodge of random food that won't make much sense at all together. A growing experience. 

::sigh:: I am already getting a bit bored of this.

Honestly, I think I lost whatever motivation I had to talk about myself all the time that I used to have. Not sure. I read this sometimes & think, "wow, nothing's changed. I think the same way & I love the same music," but really... everything's changed. I'm 22 (only 22). Living on my own & supporting myself. I have a real job...not a career yet... but it's on it's way there. 

I'm pretty proud of myself. I still don't have life figured out, but I'm happy. 

That's about it. None of this made sense... definitely still rusty. I'll pick it up again soon. You'll be hearing more from me.


3 has forgotten ithave forgotten it | tell me about your first kiss

[04 May 2009|01:08pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I just deactivated my facebook. G-d, it's scary how addicted one can get. I am making myself stay away for a week. The point is not to get rid of it, but to stop giving it so much of my time.

In other news, I think I am having my quarter-life crisis. I am only 22, but I am used to doing things a little prematurely.

Pray for me.

6 has forgotten ithave forgotten it | tell me about your first kiss

REPOST: March 7, 2006 [09 Mar 2009|12:47pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

"my back is breaking from this heavy heart.

i wish i could tell him i forgive him for not inviting me to his bar mitzvah...even if he never had a second one just for me to go to. i can't help but think about everything now. all the old times. ana. marianne. anthony. all the gifted kids. times at AO's. fuckin around in Wolfson's. fuckin around in front of Jason's...how he teased about watching me through my windows. long talks. too young.

i hate being so far away...

i love you greg. i'm sorry."

I am physically, mentally, emotionally miles away from where I was when I wrote this, when I was when I wrote this, what I was when I wrote this, and who I was when I wrote this. And yet, every time I hear "hear you me" I realize exactly when my life's trajectory changed based on the event that prompted me to write it. I was and never will be the same. A bittersweet blessing in disguise, no doubt in my mind. However, I sometimes can't help but think that I would rather live in ignorance... in his company.

I still love you, Greg. and I still miss you.

every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. [09 Feb 2009|02:38pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]

signed my lease on saturday. apartment is mine as of friday, 02/13. all superstitions aside.

this is the beginning of something bigger than a new dwelling. not sure what, just yet. however, at the very least it is the beginning of a 13 month commitment to nyc.

c'est la vie.

5 has forgotten ithave forgotten it | tell me about your first kiss

this is the first day of my life. [26 Jan 2009|01:00pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

I am about to embark on the single greatest financial obligation of my life (to date) and I am scared outside of my fucking mind.

Please please please please please let this be the right decision.


6 has forgotten ithave forgotten it | tell me about your first kiss

[22 Jan 2009|12:13pm]
this has no relevance except that it is stuck in my head- and i haven't heard this song in months:

i can't get laid in this town without these pointy fucking shoes.

1 has forgotten ithave forgotten it | tell me about your first kiss

All we are saying is give peace a chance. [06 Jan 2009|02:11pm]
[ mood | restless ]

I just got a call from my friend from Israel who was discharged from the army about 6 months ago and has been living in Boston. He is being called back to the army and is leaving back to Israel on Friday. My other friends are also being called to fight in Gaza. He told me he is not as scared as he is worried- about his family, about his friends, and about his home.

This is real. People need to care. I feel so helpless. I feel so sick from the media who is siding with Hamas. How can anyone have sympathy for a terrorist group who is rooted in hate & put their own citizens in harms way. Be informed, people. Hamas purposely fight from civilian areas so that they can make Israel look bad when they strike against them. Israel is not a violent, pro-war state, but rather one who is constantly being targeted and is FINALLY defending itself. Do not be deceived by all of the photos of Palestinian victims at the hands of Israel - it is their own government that put them in harm's way.

THIS is the truth: http:​/​/​www.​ camer​a.​ org/​index​.​ asp?​x_​conte​xt=​3&​x_​outle​t=​14&​x_​artic​le=​1573

All of my thoughts & prayers are with Israel, with Omer, Lior, & Yoav, with Hila, Mariana, Lital, Ayana, with Rafi, with Reut, with Nirit.

my friends.Collapse )

Our lives​ begin​ to end the day we becom​e silen​t about​ thing​s that matte​r.​
-​Marti​n Luthe​r King Jr.


1 has forgotten ithave forgotten it | tell me about your first kiss

so this is the new year. [31 Dec 2008|03:00pm]
[ mood | calm ]

 this is the year i will commit to loving myself. and this time i mean it.

figure i should give this entry a little more attention-- since 2008 was HUGE (that's what she said) for me.

in 2008:
i graduated. i moved to new york. i got my first (real) job. i was (and still am) in my longest sustaining relationship. there is definitely much much more, but for some reason i feel like i can't get past those couple milestones... and those were really in the last half of the year. i got into one of the biggest conflicts with my father, one from which we may never fully recover & our relationship will absolutely will never be the same. hm. big things in 2008. can't say i am stoked for 2009, just life. i don't understand why people make such a big deal about a new year, i mean, i guess i do. but it's silly... it's just the difference between wednesday & thursday really. well, i hope that this thursday starts the best 365 days of my life, but if not, i guess friday will do. 

and i'm not taking what  said back, this is the year i will dedicate to me. fuck, in 22 years i've earned it. 

happiness, healthiness, & love-- to everyone.

to 2009!


tell me about your first kiss

[28 Dec 2008|10:17pm]
 every year on my birthday, for one reason or another, i cry.
tell me about your first kiss

tired & hungry & totally useless. [09 Dec 2008|01:07pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

 So. It's been a while. I don't know if I feel like I am too old for this thing or what... my thoughts have shifted from public to private for the most part.

Anyway, I can't say this as a generality, but rather as a specific for today-- it seems to me that my day-to-day life is a complete disconnect from my values. Well, let's not be dramatic, not complete. It's just...this side of the education hill is much different than the climb to get here... I am not sure how I feel about it. I thought (which just goes to show that you really must be careful what you wish  for anticipate) things would be different. I always think things would be better if (insert alternate circumstance here), yet they rarely ever are. It's just a different kind of discontentment. So I guess the real question is... what is the right scenario and how can I find it and be content with where I am? I have to take a different approach to thinking than I have historically, and yet, it is the same type of thinking that forces the issue. A catch-22? Wow, this is making no sense... now I remember why I don't write in here. 

"And now my heart needs a polygraph. Always so eager to pack my bags... when I really want to stay."


2 has forgotten ithave forgotten it | tell me about your first kiss

[01 May 2008|10:40pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

dear world,

i have a boyfriend. (i figured i should start with that because of all things-- that is the weirdest to say.)

i am done with college (except for this small business about an internship, which i already have taken care of).. i'm as good as done with college.

i'm moving to NY in a month.

i'm going to israel in 12 days.

i got straight a's my last semester taking classes.



3 has forgotten ithave forgotten it | tell me about your first kiss

[25 Mar 2008|03:52pm]
REALLY...now what?
2 has forgotten ithave forgotten it | tell me about your first kiss

catharsis [03 Mar 2008|10:49pm]
it's time to stop growing up and time to start growing out.

i have experienced the catalyst and therefore, what was & will be are no longer one in the same.

however, now what?

tell me about your first kiss

love is all you need. [22 Feb 2008|01:00am]
[ mood | sentimental ]

so in a moment of sentiment and spontaneity I looked back on the past 3 years of this date of this livejournal. Often I feel ashamed to have kept this thing for so long, until I do something like that. This exact date, in 2006, was the last day that Greg ever commented on my livejournal. And this fact alone reminds me what is important. Yeah, it may be silly. It may be adolescent. It may be immature. Above all, it is my record of the past four years of my life. Nothing more real & nothing more accurate. Of love & loss, humor, sorrow, regret, joy... blah blah.

I am about to embark on real life. Whatever that is. Whatever that means. What remains is this. Whatever it is. Whatever it means. And the hope for a future. Whatever that is. Whatever that means.

All I know is.. I believe in love, as I always have. And I believe in the importance of the past, as I always will.

Sorry for being so deep, I realize at 21 in a stupid blog it should be a thing of the past... but maybe I'm just a vintage mothafucka.

Here's to you eljayland...

lovelovelove is all you need,

3 has forgotten ithave forgotten it | tell me about your first kiss

career longevity. [14 Jan 2008|09:38am]
[ mood | productive ]

"Tocqueville coined the term 'individualism' to describe a characteristic American attitude that was not just a matter of self-love. He described how, ironically, individualists spent much of their time checking how well they were doing compared to their neighbors-- which built an element of conformity into a society that otherwise praised independence. He reported on how when everyone was encouraged to think for themselves and make their own decisions, this undermined traditional social institutions-- as children were less likely to respect the opinions of their parents, for example."

And thus, why the need for product positioning [advertising] will always exist as far as I'm concerned.

tell me about your first kiss

not gonna write you a love song.. [10 Jan 2008|10:28am]
[ mood | peaceful ]

i wonder if my neighbor's hate me for playing benny benassi right now.. can't help it. sosogood.

gotta get my life together. spain. graduation. real world. and i haven't even unpacked yet.

seems like my love life is like a revolving door. no need explaining that one.. you'll make that out to mean whatever you want it to.

so i'm 21. it's actually KIND OF a big deal..haven't really used that to it's full potential. i DID have a door guy question my real ID. haha. i'm taking that as a compliment.

other than that, business as usual. whatever that means.


2 has forgotten ithave forgotten it | tell me about your first kiss

hm. [18 Dec 2007|08:09pm]
[ mood | geeky ]

Your Fall 2007 Grades

Course Title Grade Law Numeric

Comments and GPA calculations are accurate as of the last semester grade posting. Grade changes posted after that event will not be reflected on this page for GPA calculations and comments until the next semesters grades are posted. Please check your unofficial transcript for the most current and up to date information, including any grade changes that may have been processed since the end-of-term grade posting.

FSU: 3.39
Term: 3.40

i can do better.
1 has forgotten ithave forgotten it | tell me about your first kiss

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